The Game

Life is a prison. You are stuck forever and there is no escape outside of death. The pressure to win is constant and neverending. However, winning is a farce. It is impossible to reach as a small win only makes the player hungry for more.

I don't play well with others

I find joy as the ultimate fundamental value, but I rarely find it in shared play. Instead, I know how to play AT someone or to bring someone else joy, but it is directional. My enjoyment is in the accomplishment of causing joy, not in witnessing it. This action of making someone else feel joy is intentional, calculated almost. This starts out in the subconscious as I create joy, but then I watch it occurring and it changes form by definition.

Are you human?

There are just two types of people in the world. There are the machines and there are the humans.

The machines attempt to overcome themselves to meet goals determined by society. They are slaves to money, power, and status. They live within the human realm, have families, eat food, drive cars, but these are necessary evils in order to meet the goals prescribed for them.

Welcome to hell

It all seems pretty silly to me -- the constructs of behavior we squeeze ourselves into. We join together in a common bond of contraction acting one way when we are another. So little is genuine, so much forced and done to fit an expectation.

Socializing is intentional which makes it invalid. The consideration to go to spend time with others because it is somehow better is to kill the value of the relationship. If the other person weren't there, it would be someone else. This is the crux of the issue. Choosing interaction is not natural.

What would make more sense is to interact with others based on situation and location. When there is a purpose to speak, great. Do it. When there is not, don't force it. Rarely does it accomplish anything beyond fitting into molds people place on themselves based on societal pressures.

Luckiest person in the world

I was born into the wrong family.

Impossible to escape

I am a clinical crazy person. I'll probably end up in a room with padded walls. Tonight, I had a night with the guys at a bar. I don't drink. I'm not sure why. Before going to the bar, I attempted to separate from the group but was told that it would be a normal bar, not the side show common to my current location. The next day, I was sorry I went.

Escape for good

I'm a city boy. I love people. I love to watch them walk by, to lock eyes, to connect with one another, to share a smile. Sometimes, I'll sit on the side of the road with my girlfriend and watch people for hours. Why do I love cities? Maybe it's the easy access to street food, to movement, to energy. I love the anonymity of big cities especially in Asia where I'm not expected to understand the language. I am in a bubble. It is a safe space where my thoughts can flow.

"Divergent" film brings up big questions

Divergent is a recent film that tells the story of a society that separates individuals into five factions. Organizing citizens into specific groupings allows the government to provide guidance in the attempt to create a peaceful existence. If everyone knows their role, chaos diminishes, but what happens if you don't fit into the boxes set forth by others?

I'm a drug addict

My addictions cause major changes that significantly affect my psychological and emotional state. I can intentionally bring on or avoid the intensity they provide.

My view of self is skewed. I look at some of my posts and the self-abuse that I lavish on myself when I'm down. Then I recognize the difference when I chat with my girlfriend online. My mind turns toward my invincibility, I am a king.

Adapt, who me!?

I've been finding myself working in a third language lately. That is, much of my day is not in the language of my current location, and not in my native language, but in a third. Yesterday, I transformed my brain to interact in Korean. The day before, I had to use Chinese and the culture that accompanies the language. I switch cultures, a necessary condition of being understood.

Culture always comes before language. In other words, without learning the culture, vocabulary and grammar doesn't get you where you need to go. No matter how many words you've studied or how complex your clauses in another language, if you are saying or doing the wrong thing for the culture, your listener will be confused. Language is meant for communication and if the culture and language aren't compatible, then you've already lost.

Just Write

Only after finishing many many years of schooling have I learned to appreciate reading and writing. From age 13-23, I hated being forced to read something, then forced to write. The problem was not the reading or the writing. Rather, it was the simple matter of having little choice in the subject matter. When the material is chosen for the student, it is no longer the student's work. When the student is given the freedom to choose, they become the engine for learning. The power is given to the individual rather than the taskmaster.

Why be alone?

I feel that I have to hide my evil from others. If people know what is really in my head or heart, they will lose interest. I have no warm happy sharing loving feeling. I only know analysis. I want to figure out and interpret. That is what I was born to do. It is completely incompatible with human interaction.

People are apparently meant to connect. They are meant to be part of one another. They are supposed to entwine into each other. Togetherness is what life is about. I don't understand and can't understand. It is not part of me. My heart is hard. I don't trust others to catch me. I am certain of judgment and disapproval.

How will you be remembered?

I was in a classroom and the teacher went around the room asking what we hope to leave behind. What will we be remembered by? What will be our legacy? We are trained and know from a young age to say we will leave behind children of our own that we will shape and mold. They will be better versions of ourselves. The wisdom that we leave them with will spread to their children. We will ensure them a happy life, and they in turn will do the same for their kids.

How to win at life

I heard that the secret to life is balance. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If we are to be balanced, what's the the point of living? Balance is boring and leads to mediocrity. If you were born balanced and tend toward the middle, great. You probably have an important role in someone's life. You may have followed the path that society prescribed for you. You probably aren't rustling any feathers. That'll never be me...

Why should I talk to you?

I don't feel a need for much of a circle of friends. This is not to say that I'm not friendly to those who I interact with. I am smiley to all, and though they may have an opinion about me, I have never sought their approval. I have no interest. I recognize that they will come and go and that most people will have no effect on my life.

My Deep Dark Secret

I'm going to let you in on a secret of mine that no one in the world knows about me. Are you ready for it? OK, here it goes...

You don't own your children

Parents, stop pushing your kids to get jobs. Or worse, make them feel guilty for not following your career paradigm.

Working for someone else is not only obsolete, it is slavery. This may have been the way of the past, but it is no longer an option. The sooner you stop trying to coerce your children toward this barbaric practice, the better off your kids will be.