January 10, 2014

Why be alone?

I feel that I have to hide my evil from others. If people know what is really in my head or heart, they will lose interest. I have no warm happy sharing loving feeling. I only know analysis. I want to figure out and interpret. That is what I was born to do. It is completely incompatible with human interaction.

People are apparently meant to connect. They are meant to be part of one another. They are supposed to entwine into each other. Togetherness is what life is about. I don't understand and can't understand. It is not part of me. My heart is hard. I don't trust others to catch me. I am certain of judgment and disapproval.

No one is there for me. How can I be there for someone else? I am an island and am certain that no boat is coming. I accept this lot. What is the alternative? I am not a kid and am not pardoned for inappropriate interaction. Its not cute anymore. My solution is to withdraw.

I can only cause destruction. I must protect others from myself. I can only break others. This is a scary way to live when you have to be constantly aware of the damage you will surely cause.

I withdraw because it is safer than engaging. To engage is to bring negativity into the world. To engage is to bring the potential destruction into reality. This is why I remain alone in the world.

SEE ALSO: Isolation during culture shock


  1. This is quite depressing. Too bad for the girl who falls in love with you. Then again, you can just send her the link to this post to warn her, so that you can be left alone to your self-perpetuating cycle of withdrawal and isolation. Remember, what you think, you are.

  2. I'm an open book and have nothing to hide from those who can accept what was hidden. Whoever falls in love with me, she'd better be tough. I love a challenge, and would expect nothing less from a significant other.

  3. You are not evil, you are depressed because you are alone, and you remain alone because you are depressed. After God made Adam he said "lo tov he'iot haadam levado," it is not good for the man to be alone. When you are in relationship with people, life has purpose and meaning. In order to build relationships you must find a setting which is accepting of you and that is engaged in an activity of interest to you. If you are interested in analyzing things, it might be an intellectual or religious organization. But find some setting that gets you back in relationships with others. Oh, one more thing. There are people who care about you.

  4. I am not depressed, and I interact a lot. Interacting with others and forming a relationship are different however.