What's wrong with the developed world?

You and I don't even speak the same language. I've been living in Asia for the last 10 years and see the world from completely different eyes from how you see the world. If you have to tell yourself not to judge the drug addicts, you are missing something important. I understand that you've never left your own culture, but this is precisely the reason that you have no right to tell me what is right or wrong.

Yes, I play the victim and assign the local culture as the correct one, but I don't actually see it that way. Rather, I know what is right and can see what is wrong. Lack of concern for others, especially those you don't know, is a symptom of a sad culture. If you only care for your own, then the tendency is to care more for yourself than for even those close to you. This selfish way of interacting with the world may seem necessary but it only limits yourself. Imagine what can be accomplished working more than one at a time. Everyone ignores others, yet we question why the US has considerably higher suicide and homicide rates per population. It is the cold, uncaring culture of individualism.

When you are your career first, and rank people by income, the loss of humanity is not only destructive to the self, but to the whole. I miss the Philippines where people care for others because they are human and Thailand where people let others be free and make decisions without judgment even if their choices may be different.

I miss the love for others and the social freedom that the developed world has long forgotten.

How to mutilate her

I feel a deep desire to mutilate her. First, slit her throat, blood curtling groan of helplessness. The pool will form. A dark crimson reservoir of death force. I will stab her and chop away recklessly to create a corpse that is as ugly as what she puts into the world. The intensity of the misery that she spreads will be the jackal-like laughter coming from my diaphragm as I stab, twist and repeat until I am emotionally exhausted, lying in a heap. Finally at peace because her rampage of destruction in life will be no more. Next, she will haunt as many souls as she can to continue the cycle of pain that she could never learn to temper.

Culture shock

I realized that much of my issue is simply a question of culture shock... in both directions. There's an uncertainty to the diametrically opposed truths within me, one innate (Western), the other what I have determined to be good (Asian). This caused an unbalancing of identity causing crisis. There are a few major points of conflict.

(1) A humility and self-effacing quality (which is most extreme in Korea) must be buoyed by a supportive environment, a culture of people who speak to each other with respect. Thus, in a Western, every man for himself, disconnected social system, the requirement is to harden oneself and to put on a more self-assured persona/identity.

(2) The no-self, which I was so intellectually fascinated by through buddhism/taoism simply isn't preferable in a culture with a language centering around the self. A narcissistic society doesn't allow one to interact cleanly without a strong sense of self.

The Game

Life is a prison. You are stuck forever and there is no escape outside of death. The pressure to win is constant and neverending. However, winning is a farce. It is impossible to reach as a small win only makes the player hungry for more.

The Power of the Eyes

I live in a country where they don't think I speak their language. Though this may seem frustrating, it has advantages. I was walking down the street and was coming face-to-face with a lady trying to sell something to passersby. However, rather than display a product, I think she was trying to sell something much more abstract. We locked eyes.

She had the determination of a long-time salesman bloodied through many battles with prospects as she tried to wring blood from the hearts of a stone cold disinterested public. I saw her and knew that if I wanted, I could have her. I could sell her. The instant we locked eyes, I knew I held the power.